Attentively Attentive to all Things

After the mess this week was, I've come to some decisions about the future. We are not getting a new dog any time soon.  We still miss Blitzen terribly, and every morning I hear her nails clicking on the kitchen floor.  I'm not ready for a new dog, and neither is Dave. Over the last year, I've pinned by sense of accomplishment on graduating from college with honors.  I found out earlier this week that the GPA I had been going off of is not what is considered for honors.  My transfer grades take me below 3.5, and out of honors range.  After a nearly hysterical fit, where I cried in frustration for about an hour and was basically unwilling to discuss the situation with anyone, I came to a conclusion.  My graduating without honors is no reason to need a hefty dose of Xanax.  The accomplishment of graduating college isn't about honors, it's about getting through my degree and calling myself a college graduate.  I had this vision of getting all my ...

I find myself without adequate words to describe what has happened in the past week.  What started as a simple arthritic problem for Blitzen ended up taking her life.  A week ago, I never once thought she would be gone today.  I watched Piper get progressively worse for a few weeks, but I knew it was coming.  With Blitzen, though, this was a hip problem, and it would be easily treated.  I didn't expect her to deteriorate so quickly this weekend, and to not be able to walk or eat at all.  Last night was horrible.  She was restless, and whining.  After moving her into our bedroom, I hoped her pain meds would kick in, and she'd be able to sleep for a while.  After a trip outside (where she could not stand) and a few laps of water, I settled her down on the floor, kissed her head, and told her to get some sleep.  At some point around 3am, I noticed it was quiet, and hoped she was sleeping.  I think in my heart I knew she was gone, but...