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Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mothers Day, Then and Now

Those who've known me over 6 years are aware of the issues we had while trying to have a baby.  For those of you unaware, I lost 4 pregnancies in about 2-3 years. What I'm about to say is a reflection on those times.

Mother's Day was a painful day for me for a few years. It wasn't easy to explain my quietness or lack of good cheer. It wasn't that I wasn't happy to celebrate my mom- I was. But it was more for me. It was a reminder of the losses I'd experienced and the frustration at my body for what I believed was betrayal. The worst was when I miscarried just a few days before Mother's Day. The depression was suffocating and my mind simply would not function. My husband had no idea what to do with me while battling his own grief. In short, I began to hate Mother's Day.

Then suddenly everything worked and in May of 2010,  I celebrated my first Mother's Day. There are simply no words to describe my feelings that day. Those years of desolation and despair seemed long forgotten.  In reality though, I remembered those holidays all too well.

So why bring this all up now?  This is my way of saying to those who celebrate Mother's Day without a thought to not forgot those who are struggling to conceive or have just experienced a loss. Unless you have never been able on conceive, have lost a pregnancy, or have lost a child, you cannot possibly fathom why this day is soul shattering to some. It's best not to try to understand their grief. My advice would be to not forget them, and let them know you are there for them. Check in on them the next day, give them a call, or take them out for a drink. Just BE there in some capacity. They may not need you, or, they may need you desperately.

I feel extremely lucky on this day because I'm finally a mother, but those years of sadness will always be a part of me. To my friends who are struggling, please do not give up. To those who have experienced a loss, my thoughts are with you and I hope you can find peace in some way.