Attentively Attentive to all Things

So tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, a pretty busy holiday at my house.  I’ve been hosting a party since around 1997 or so, give or take a year.  They started out as booze-soaked shindigs that ended with kisses at midnight and champagne showers.  Over the years we’ve done many things: played games, standing in a circle on the eve of 2000 naming off things we remembered about the 1900’s, written down what we wanted to forget about the previous year and burned it over a fire-pit, etc, etc.  Slowly, it’s evolved from being full of alcohol to slowing down and being about getting together for food, games, and a few drinks.  Then the group started having kids, and it became a little less rollicking, and more sedate, but still fun.  This year is no exception.  By my count there will be at least nine kids there, five or so under the age of five.  It should be interesting.  I wonder if there will be anyone here besides us at midnight? Does this mean we’ve ...

I stayed up late last night, engrossed in a e-galley about seducing a governess (The Sound of Music, anyone?) and didn't realize just how late it was until Caris began to cry.  Seeing that it was almost 11pm, I turned off all the lights and went to calm my screaming toddler.  When I realized that laying her back down with her precious blanket wasn't going to do the trick, I scooped her up and plunked her into bed with us.  (Please, spare me the lectures about having a toddler in bed, and how they'll never sleep in their own bed.  We have to sleep at some point, and can't while she screams for an hour.)  Usually this is a sure-fire way to get her back to sleep, and it seemed to work...at first.  Then she began to toss and turn, whimpering and breathing like she was in pain.  The first-time mom brain in my head began to imagine all sorts of things wrong inside her little body, so I sat up and watched her.  And then she sat up and watched me.  R...

You all knew it was coming...the much 'anticipated' school rant.  I call it a rant because despite the semester being over December 13th, I still do not have all my grades, which were due in the 20th, and because I don't have all my assignments back from two professors.  So far, I have two A's and one A- out of six classes. The group internship was ridiculously unorganized, despite any attempt on my part to get it situated.  I finally conceded leadership to another student, mostly because none of them responded well to my tries to get us going.  This girl, who was very nice, had an annoying habit of waiting until a day before something needs done to let us know which parts we need to do.  They were all campus students, of course, with part time jobs and ample time to do homework.  Add to this a non-profit that also dumped content on us at the last minute...imagine my frustration.  The work--meaning building an entire website--was completed, and a man...

...for this year at least.  We still have snow, and I'm sure at some point before it's gone there will be sledding in our front yard.  My living room is now full of toddler toys, and yet the associated toddler is absent at this very moment, being quiet in her room, which usually means she's into something she shouldn't be. These past fews days I have had my picture taken with a Fischer-Price camera that giggles, put together a kitchen, flushed a toilet in a Little People house, fried a pizza in before-mentioned kitchen, drank imaginary coffee, did imaginary dishes, listened to blogposts from a dog named Violet, played with a bug, built the Weebles a treehouse, got the crap scared out of me by a rumbling dump truck, pulled a pink plastic wagon full of Megablocks, and have been forked by a plastic play fork.  That is by no means a complete list, of course.  At this very moment I am being made a hamburger with plastic lettuce. But other than that, I'd say it went w...

So I had the good intentions of moving all my blogposts over here, and after realizing just how much of a pain in the you-know-where it would be, I opted to not move them.  So, here is the link to the previous blog:   http://attentivelyattentivetoallthings.wordpress.com/ And welcome to my new one!

Testing

This blog will be moving as soon as I can find the time to move it!  It will be over at Blogspot, mostly because I'm not a fan of the themes here at Wordpress.  No offense, Wordpress....just not my style! Will update soon!

So it's 10:30pm, and I'm still trying to make sense of this day.  The morning started out rushed as usual, but I made it to work on time.  The four hours I spent at work were hectic, but productive. I forgot Caris' bag so I had to go home first, then drive out to the parents house to drop of Caris for an afternoon of Grandma time.  When I finally made it back home, I did some menial housework that took all of fifteen minutes, then sat down to do homework.  This is where things go haywire. I could not focus.  And this was before learning I had been made Managing Editor of The Aurora.  The problem is, I wasn't focused on anything in particular, I just couldn't focus on my assignment.  This is not a good sign, because these assignments in Modern World Literature are long, and I have to really keep on the ball to get them completed.  *sigh*  I hope this isn't a sign of issues to come. Tomorrow is the chili cook-off downtown.  I'm still...

So it's 10:30pm, and I'm still trying to make sense of this day.  The morning started out rushed as usual, but I made it to work on time.  The four hours I spent at work were hectic, but productive. I forgot Caris' bag so I had to go home first, then drive out to the parents house to drop of Caris for an afternoon of Grandma time.  When I finally made it back home, I did some menial housework that took all of fifteen minutes, then sat down to do homework.  This is where things go haywire. I could not focus.  And this was before learning I had been made Managing Editor of The Aurora.  The problem is, I wasn't focused on anything in particular, I just couldn't focus on my assignment.  This is not a good sign, because these assignments in Modern World Literature are long, and I have to really keep on the ball to get them completed.  *sigh*  I hope this isn't a sign of issues to come. Tomorrow is the chili cook-off downtown.  I'm still not sure if we're goin...

One of my classes this semester, Images of Beauty and American Women, focuses on what we believe beauty is, and the images of what define beauty for us. Our textbook is not really a textbook, but a feminist-inspired book called The Beauty Myth- How Images of Beauty Are Used Against Women , by Naomi Wolf. Having just delved into chapter 1, it's already caught my interest and inspired this blog post. Our first assignment was to create a collage of images that represent what we think beauty looks like. Mine was full of images of friends, my family, and nature. For me, beauty is not only a feature of a human face, but a personality trait as well. I also find beauty in the simple aspects of nature: a raindrop on a rose petal, a grassy meadow of wildflowers, or a serene lake just before sunrise. The laughter of a child, or a voice raised in song are all beautiful to me. My belief probably does not conform to what society defines as beauty, but so be it. Or maybe it does? The other part o...

This post intentionally left blank for the purpose of remaining an adult in a childish situation. Gotta love mean girls!

...won't people let me help them? I just don't understand. As a patient account rep, I try my best to be pro-active when it comes to a patients outstanding balance. I talk to them early in the process, and work out something that will keep their balance from going to an outside collection agency, and ultimately on their credit report. It's for their benefit, not me. When a patient tells me they don't care, then why should I? This also goes for asking the patient to take an active role in their care and management of their balance. I cannot do everything for a patient when it comes to their finances. Patients have to participate in the process and do some of the dirty work. Nothing frustrates me more than a patient telling me I am prolonging their agony because they do not want to make a ten minute phone call to their insurance company to give them the information they've requested. I can only do so much. *sigh*

Lately I've been a bit anti-chemical, and I'm not sure what triggered this feeling.  It may have been the No-Poo blog post, or my trips to the Downtown Farmer's Market .  All I know is I've been cringing at every shampoo and baby wash label I read.  What ARE we putting on our skin, the largest organ we humans have?!   In regards to baby wash, it's much, much worse.  I look at what I currently have in the cabinet for Caris, and I want to throw it all away.  The only exception is the bar of Hugo Naturals Baby soap that I received as a gift from my wonderful long distance friend, Diane.  Even products claiming to be natural, with the exception of the Hugo bar, contain chemical after chemical!  I had switched Caris over to Aveeno, but I've discovered all that did was add oatmeal to her bath products.  UGH!  Not that oatmeal is bad, of course, but that seemed to be the only thing that made it more natural.  I did a little research and after a Facebook discussion abou...

The other day I saw a post on my Facebook page that caught my eye about bringing back afternoon tea time, with a link to a story in Country Living Magazine.  I was curious so I checked it out, and basically the magazine is pushing to bring back afternoon tea at 4pm.  They even went so far as to suggest inviting friends and family over for a light repast of sandwiches, scones, cake, and tea.  A nice idea, and as one who loves most all things British, it is most definitely my cup of tea.  Perhaps everyday at 4pm I'll make a cup and take a break, since I'm usually at work at this time.  Hrm...must fine proper teacup for office.   So this thought led to my next one...what other things are we missing out on?  Afternoon tea was created by a duchess who could not wait until the evening meal to have something to eat.  Back in the 1800's, the aristocracy kept late hours, meaning dinner was usually no earlier than 8pm.  So 4pm would be a good time to have a "snack" or ...

Today we talk about the writing process and book publishing, two of my favorite topics! Yesterday I was having an email conversation with a friend who has decided to shop her manuscript around for publication. Another friend has also done the same thing, and both are discouraged. This discussion began with a comment about a debut book from a well-known and loved author that was complete crap, yet it was published. This of course begs the question, "why can't I be published if that crap made it?". A very good question, but before we talk about publishing, let's talk about writing. As I've made my way through an English degree with an advisor with so much literary experience it shames me to be his student, I've learned to be a more critical thinker when it comes to writing and the art of storytelling. A book could have an amazing story, but if the writing is horrible, it means nothing. It could have an amazing airtight plot and completely flop because the author...

I seem to be in a ranting phase, so please forgive me. I'll try to post something of substance this week.... On another message board, (see the bigger fish a few entries earlier) I was included in with 3 other people on a birthday thread. People can post birthday wishes, etc. One person, an admin for that board, and someone who I thought was a rational, mature adult, decided to go onto this thread and wish everyone a happy birthday, but me. Seriously. Now, I do have history with this woman, but it's been months and honestly, I'm over all that drama. But now in light of this, it kind of brings it back home for me. Anyone who reads this thread now knows this woman purposely left me out of her birthday wishes for some snarky reason. Was it really worth it? Anyone who looks at this thread knows this woman left me out, and I'm sure they wonder why. Did she think this would make her look good in the eyes of the members? If I was a member who knew nothing about the history, I ...

Yesterday, I turned 35.  Now, I'm not one of those women who get depressed over my age.  Why bother?  I can't stop time, really have no wish to.  As I sit here and ponder 35, I think about what all I've done or accomplished.  I decided to make a list, starting with my marriage, and then another list of what is left to do.  It's not impressive, but it's me.   It also starts off very materialistic, which I am not, but I decided to leave them in any way.  This was prompted mostly by a memory of a pink elephant in the corner. Married Dave, and have stayed married to him for almost 12 years now. Own my own home. Attend a nationally known liberal arts college, proudly. Wear ring from before mentioned college. Have suffered 4 miscarriages, and went through 3 doctors before the last one got it right. Have the most beautiful little girl in the world (yeah, I'm biased.  Get over it.) Have full-time, decent paying job to pay for before mentioned house. Have...

So this weekend began the summer-long process of home canning and storing summer fruits and vegetables. I always get a little nostalgic this time of year, thinking back to my grandmother and her love of grape jelly. She made jelly the old fashioned way, with a ½ inch this piece of paraffin poured over the sticky sweet purple goodness. Grandma didn’t crush whole grapes or anything so messy, she simply went to the store and bought a bottle of grape juice, and then got to work. An hour later, voila! Grape jelly! When I would ask her why she didn’t just buy grape jelly, she told me her mother always made jelly, so she never thought to purchase the commercially prepared kind, unless she had to, or didn't feel up to making her own. She, like many of her generation, simply grew what they needed. Grandma didn’t have grape vines, so she made due with grape juice from the store. Way back when…well, probably not so way back, folks froze vegetables and canned fruits out of necessity, not as a...

So while I've not blogged in a while, that doesn't mean my head has been underground, no matter how much I wish it could be. ;) This morning I received a message from my boss, which had been forwarded from her boss, asking employees to sign a petition about Medicare reform. This petition, found at http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/meltdown/ asks people to sign their name to try to convince Congress to overhaul the Medicare reimbursement system. I have mixed feelings about this. For starters, it is true that physicians have faced deep cuts in Medicare payments over the last few years. No argument there. We write off tons of money every day. However, most of the doctors I work for drive VERY expensive cars, and have several of them. They have huge houses in gated communities, send their kids to private schools, use the most expensive day care facilities, or have nannies for their children. They take vacations to exotic locations, and all in all live the good life. Anyone see an...

Earlier this morning, I received a forwarded email from my father-in-law about a campaign to rid our lives of aspartame. My father-in-law strongly believes in the health hazzards of this sweetener, and me not being a scientist, have no basis to argue this fact. I wish them well on their mission of banning this item from our lives, if in fact it is hazardous. But this not the reason for this blog post. The email mentioned above was written by someone with a doctor salutation. I've no knowledge of what this person is a doctor of, nor how this person is employed. The email was a long plea to the FDA asking them to ban Aspartame, citing many studies, calling for the resignation of an corrupt individual who was a lobbyist and on FDA payroll, etc. Sadly, I can't relate to you the gist of their argument because of the multiple grammatical and punctuation errors throughout the entire letter. I found myself too distracted to even pay attention to what they were trying to convey. I know ...

I have a rant. I don't do this often, but I find this morning I'm not able to ignore my thoughts on this any longer. I am one of four administrators of a new fan fiction, general interest board. We're quirky, have lots of crazy posts, and a smattering of good stories to read. We have a place for those who like to create fan graphics to show off their work, and a place for fanvidders to post links to their videos. I love our cozy board, and plan to remain there until I'm the last member left standing. I hope that is a long time from now. The bigger fish in the JA fandom, a huge board of 5,000 members and multiple pages of fiction is where many of us came from, for personal reasons of our own. I won't go into those reasons here. I'm hearing that we are looked upon as the competition. What a joke! I mean seriously, we have 300 members! We have some things this bigger fish does not, and will not allow. Are you kidding me? The level of paranoia is absurd. If we wante...

Time for gardening! Years ago, before a very dark time in our lives, we had a greenhouse. I loved this little building! We took empty flats, filled them with soil, and broadcast seeds into them. A few weeks later we would have tons of little seedlings just waiting to be transplanted into bigger pots. I had a hard time not transplanting all of them, no matter how strong they looked. Chalk it up to me not wanting to leave any seedling behind! What happened was we had LOTS of plants, way too many for us to plant on our own. In time, the little greenhouse suffered some structural setbacks, and had to be taken down. Then, many things happened and the motivation to garden just wasn't there like it was. It was very sad. But now! Now we are psyched! Another greenhouse is in the works, a more permanent one that will be built with tax refund money...if it ever gets here! There will be landscaping around said building, water access and electrical, complete with windows with screens and a pott...

Many acquaintances and coworkers have asked my opinion of the Healthcare Reform Bill , mostly because of my position as a Patient Account Representative at our local clinic.  To be honest, while I followed the coverage to see if it would pass, I hadn't paid much attention to the details of the bill.  I'm under no delusions that the United States Government has my best interests at heart, but that being said, I'm not a Republican.  I agree the Healthcare system is badly broken and needs to be fixed, and it will take the government to straighten it out and make it fair for everyone.  Insurance companies do not look out for their insured’s best interest and health, regardless of what they tell you.  I see too many instances of surgery being denied and the patient limping away, only to injure themselves because of their instability and go through more surgery later that was emergent. They deny care everyday to thousands of individuals, citing their medical policies and review b...

Yesterday evening I attended rehearsal for the 2010 SMWC Ring Day Ceremony . This event will take place tomorrow- *gasp*! Distance students, graduate students and the campus Junior class all mingled in preparation for this ceremony. I can happily say the campus students were very welcoming to those who only show up a few times a year. We walked up and down the aisles of The Church of the Immaculate Conception about twenty or so times, making sure our processional and recessional was perfect. I swear the music was from The Sound of Music , and expected at any moment to hear "How do you solve a problem like Maria?". We sang the Ring Song , once very badly, and another time quite well, with the help of the SMWC Madrigals. During this I learned that we have all much in common despite being from a multitude of different age ranges and goals in life, and my shoes are very uncomfortable when standing for long periods of time. Oy. In an earlier post I talked about how long it's t...

So I am about to take the leap into website writing, or what you may recognize as content writing . In a recent interview with the career center at my university, where I conveyed my panic to the director of the career center because I don't have any practical experience to back up my love for reading, writing, etc., I was given many ideas to further my knowledge outside the "classroom" and gain some experience. Talking with other writers within the college, speaking with publicity and see if they needed a creative writer for any of their projects, chatting with the head grant writer, speaking with alumni who work in the publishing industry... The list is long and the people on it are strangers to me. Ergo, my first dip into the frigid waters of cold calling, or cold emailing, in this case. Brr! One of those ideas that has bore the most fruit was to assist in the rewriting of several pages on SMWC 's website, mostly the majors and minors. Okay...I can do that, I think...

As many of you know, I am a HUGE Jane Austen fan, and an avid reader of Jane Austen fan fiction (JAFF) and sometimes writer of them as well. This little addition helped fuel my passion for writing and I only have Amber and her beloved Hyacinth Gardens to "thank" for that. Since my introduction to this genre, I have spent many happy years reading about Darcy and Elizabeth, in many, many different forms- duchess, cowboy, journalist, cellist, etc. The creativity of those who write JAFF astounds me, and I commend the entire JAFF community for such artistic works. One never knows what to expect, or what kind of twist you'll see next. This humble writer could never aspire to such talent as seen on many JAFF sites. What is it about these characters that inspires us so? The majority of JAFF are stories based on Pride and Prejudice , Austen's most popular novel. Darcy and Elizabeth have a tight hold over readers and writers, and those who dare to stray from cannon Darcy shoul...

In a little over a week, I will become one of the many who wear a St. Mary-of-the-Woods College class ring . It's a well-recognized piece of jewelry, and symbolizes my academic achievement. Of course, I've not completely achieved what I want academically, but I guess it will show that I am on my way. I've determined I won't graduate until 2012, and while that may seem a long way off, when I look at the amount of classes I have left to complete in between now and then, I start to panic...only slightly. It will pass... This is something I've worked very long and hard for. I can't remember when I decided I wanted to go to SMWC , as I had spent time at two other local colleges trying to obtain an education. Community college- Ivy Tech - worked well, but it didn't give me what I wanted, and I could only get an Associates degree. Nothing against Associates degrees or anyone that gets them, but I wanted more, and I couldn't explain why- it was just what I wante...

You open your mail to find a letter from your health insurance company. Their correspondence always confuses you, so you set it aside and move on to another task. The letter sits there for days, unread. Then, you receive a call from your doctor's office, telling you your insurance company is requesting information from you before they will pay for your services. What?! They've not asked for information from me! And then you remember the letter you opened and set aside... In my ten plus years as a patient account representative and insurance clerk for a multi-specialty physician medical clinic, I see this scenario over and over. Today I had this very same incident happen to one of my patients. Many do not understand the confusing world of health insurance, and to some, ignorance is bliss. However, such ignorance can lead to many problems in the future at your doctor's office, where all of a sudden, a $1,000.00 bill for services is owed by YOU. Here's what can happen: You...

As I was showering this past Saturday morning, I experienced an epiphany of extraordinary, and somewhat embarrassing proportions. First, let me explain... As an English Major I have a class called Topics in English, where I choose a subject I want to research, ask one of my instructors to work with me on it, and then write a hugely huge paper, thus ending my tenure as a college student. Sounds easy, right? Really? Yeah, not so much. The possibilities with an English major are endless, so while I have over a year to begin this exhausting process, I started worrying about the second my advisor told me about this class. This is obviously not a paper I can procrastinate on and complete at the last moment. So over the past month now, two websites I frequent have been having two different arguments ongoing- one website is discussing the responsibilities of a fiction writer to his or her readers, and the other is attempting to have a intellectual discussion regarding the phenomena of the Rape...

I live in the Midwest, meaning we can go from 32 degrees and snow, to 50 degrees and rain with a drive of about 5 miles to the South. I'm used to the crazy weather here, and sometimes it's kind of nice, in a weird, Midwestern sort of way. At least we have all three seasons. However, what is not nice are the people who drive 4x4 vehicles and think they are invincible. I drive a Honda CR-V, and no, it's not 4-wheel drive. It gets around well and I feel relatively safe driving my 8 month old around in slick road conditions. This only applies, though, when others aren't around me, specifically, the aforementioned 4-wheel drive drivers. Don't get me wrong, my rant does not include all of these people, but who it does include are those who insist on driving 50mph or faster on snow packed roads, and then when you aren't going their desired speed, they ride your bumper as you drive the normal 30-40mph speed. More than once I have found myself pulling over into the snow-...

This term I am taking a children's writing class as part of my Creative Writing minor. I've never had any ambition to write a children's story, so when I learned I would have to not only write, but attempt to illustrate or at the very least write illustration notes...panic set in. Literally. I love children's books...that other people write. I'm hoping the amazing textbook for this class will give me some ideas to start with. All I came up with is fairies. That's probably been overdone...right?

So a few weeks ago, my mother asked if she could enter Caris in the Regis and Kelly Beautiful Baby Contest .  I entered this picture: because I didn't hear from her and wondered if she had changed her mind.  Then, she tells me she entered this picture: *sigh*  Both are fine, of course, but I hope entering her twice didn't cancel each other out.  Oh, and don't bother searching for her in the gallery of children's photos, because she's not there.  It does say it's random, but I was hoping, just a smidge, that she'd be there. There's another contest that I discovered in the free American Baby magazines you get in the mail.  This one lets you enter 6 pictures!  Dear God, which pictures will I enter?!  My hands rub together in eager anticipation of the thought of going through the mountains of photos on the hard drive (because I AM the paparazzi, Lady Gaga eat your heart out!) and choosing 6! It will be impossible! Am I a bad mom for entering my child in a...